1. |
Pewter Moonset
03:59
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The moon is rising in the east
Upon arrival its divine dreams
The rising sun can stay at rest
I worship only the pewter moonset
The pewter moon, delights again
Blood red arrival paints the sky
Then mellows into pewter light
The feline soul crepuscular
From twilight to dawn my hunter
All creatures bound in limited nights
Each moonset another step closer to death
Languishing organs
Scleral obscurity
Auditory quieting
Tactile disassociation
Penumbral shadows call to me
In limited time windows seen
Before the day when all shall cease
I worship only the pewter deity
The pewter moon, divine again
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2. |
Calico
04:32
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Three colors of camouflage
Bright motifs in undular patterns - beauty beyond fathom
Calico
Chromosomal misfiring
Spilled genetic paint
I take you in as my own
I shelter you in my home
I guard you reciprocally
My adoration serene
Years pass by your side
When sickness comes it darkens the soul
I worship the calico soul
It fills the void in my own
Wandering plains with you
Voyaging oceans with you
No language
Read your eyes and sway of tail
Yowls to meows
I become fluent in calico argot
Cancerous, cells in you
Depression, endless gloom
I fill my emptiness with you
Fill my heartless universe
I worship the calico soul
It fills the void in my own
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3. |
Squamous (Prognosis)
04:00
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I see you’re bleeding from the jaw
The crimson stream stains your face
I wipe the blood clean and bring you in
She tells me that it’s deep and will not heal
I know that you’re leaving
I can’t fix you, I know
And I know that you’re leaving me
It’s coming soon, she spoke
Blood flow intensifies with each day
I pat your head in palliative care
Hug and hold you in loving silence
Knowing tomorrow is never promised, no
I know that you’re leaving
I can’t fix you, I know
And I know that you’re leaving me
It’s coming soon, she spoke
Oh, squamous cell carcinoma
Words painting my nightmares
Words tormenting my sleep
Words vexing my daylight hours, preying on my fragile heart
I know that you’re leaving
I can’t fix you, I know
And I know that you’re leaving me
It’s coming soon, she spoke
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4. |
Desert World
03:34
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I live a trillion miles from here
I’m extant only in the flesh
I try to speak words, but there’s silence
I try to feel pain, but there’s lethargy
I try to smile warm, but there’s atrophy
I try to retain hope, but there’s acrimony
This desert world, barren of emotion
Condemned to arid dunes
This desert world, barren and callous
Drowning in countless sands
My desolate diaspora is alien to here
Home is foreign, there are no oases
This desert world, no familiar flora
Erosion of the heart
This desert world, and my only fauna
Is dying languid in my arms
Others look to my eyes, but I’m stars away
She is all that I have, and she’s departing soon
I pointlessly put head to pillow again
Perhaps tomorrow will make sense
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5. |
Squamous (Termination)
06:18
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Malignance, what a word for murderous - annual death rates assured
I speak the curse by its wretched name - squamous cell carcinoma
The gradual fall into the abyss, nears the impact
Astonishing how months accelerates, into mere seconds
On and on the curse mutilates
Desecrating her body, devouring the hope
The precipitous fall into the abyss, I brace for impact
Dismissing death for as viably long, it shows its face again
Torturing her remaining shell
Sanguinary pools, pus and blood drool
You’re bleeding from your pretty smile
The deepest crimson staining your face
I wash the blood and call the doctor
She tells me euthanasia time has come
The realization shocks my core
Time to prepare – wasn’t enough
Time to prepare – never enough
I shudder at the finality of tomorrow
A dozen years laid to rest
I shudder again, a dozen years in the past
I know that you’re leaving
I can’t fix you, I know
And I know that you’re leaving
It’s coming tomorrow, coming tomorrow – I spoke
I throw away the bloodstained rags
And wait for morning to come
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6. |
Pillowtop Deathbed
03:53
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The morning comes and I’m listless
The onslaught of feelings crush
I’m powerless to these fears
But I bring you to your last day
Your pillowtop deathbed
A soft place for your furry head
I’ll hold your paws and blink goodbye
Goodbye my love
The dim lights set the perfect mood
They shake my hand but I’m in a desert world
You’re in pain and I hold you
They push the needles in to start the end
Your pillowtop deathbed
A soft place for your furry head
I’ll hold your paws and blink goodbye
Goodbye my love
As you’re dying all I have is despair
As you’re dying all I have is anguish
Infinite misery
I pet your lifeless corpse like a doll
Your eyes stay open but death is here
Doctor sees me hugging a dead cat
I am completely gone
Your pillowtop deathbed
A soft place for your furry head
I’ll hold your paws and blink goodbye
Goodbye my love
What comes next?
Nothing comes next
Empty nest and emptiness
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7. |
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I beg the lake to take me – I beg the lake to wash my pain away
Its waves embrace me – its waves can put an end to this pain
Drowning, a peaceful alternative to the crushing weight of life
In death a solemn appreciation for the mind ceasing at last
I beg the lake to take me – I beg the lake to wash my pain away
Its waves embrace me – its waves can put an end to this pain
Drowning, I beg but can’t do it myself
I’m a coward who can’t swallow death
I’m a coward – I am a coward
Just a useless old man yelling at a lake
I beg the lake to take me – I beg the lake to wash my pain away
Its waves embrace me – wash my cowardice and suffering clean
Lamentations, painting neon black
The pewter moon sets on the shore, my cowardice revealed to her
My shame exposed in the moonlight
I beg the lake to take me – I beg the lake to wash my pain away
Its waves embrace me – its waves can put an end to this pain
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8. |
Autumn's Decay
09:10
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Ring the skellet bell, she’s fully asleep
No funeral for felines, a silent eve
Inter the body to fire, fragments and ash remain
An urn in memoriam, and a ring of jade
Autumn’s decay – a dozen years’ journey
Autumn’s decay – an ode to my beloved
A bright world of calico colors, painted in wonder and felicity
Her cancer wrought deep blacks and grays, anguished colors I never knew could be
Autumn’s decay – time can’t seem to heal
Autumn’s decay – lugubrious waves of woe
A bright world of calico colors, painted in wonder and felicity
Her cancer wrought deep blacks and grays, anguished colors I never knew could be
To let the sorrow overcome, is to let the curse win
To let the depression overcome, is to bear cowardice
I yearn for her immortality
Or transubstantiation
I must settle for remembrance
Forge on, I forge on in life alone
March on, I march on in life alone
Live on, I live on in life alone
But I never relinquish the memories
Autumn’s decay – a dozen years’ journey
I loved that cat more than I can ever say
Autumn’s decay - the depths of human and animal bond
With her, was the strongest I had ever known
Ever known…
Ring the skellet bell, for her then for me
I live in her honor, cherish the memories
I know those crematorium doors, will open for me and you
In the meantime I endure, and live appreciating I had those years at all
But now I’m alone – and my decay will come too
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