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Autumnal

by Lunarscathe

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1.
The moon is rising in the east Upon arrival its divine dreams The rising sun can stay at rest I worship only the pewter moonset The pewter moon, delights again Blood red arrival paints the sky Then mellows into pewter light The feline soul crepuscular From twilight to dawn my hunter All creatures bound in limited nights Each moonset another step closer to death Languishing organs Scleral obscurity Auditory quieting Tactile disassociation Penumbral shadows call to me In limited time windows seen Before the day when all shall cease I worship only the pewter deity The pewter moon, divine again
2.
Calico 04:32
Three colors of camouflage Bright motifs in undular patterns - beauty beyond fathom Calico Chromosomal misfiring Spilled genetic paint I take you in as my own I shelter you in my home I guard you reciprocally My adoration serene Years pass by your side When sickness comes it darkens the soul I worship the calico soul It fills the void in my own Wandering plains with you Voyaging oceans with you No language Read your eyes and sway of tail Yowls to meows I become fluent in calico argot Cancerous, cells in you Depression, endless gloom I fill my emptiness with you Fill my heartless universe I worship the calico soul It fills the void in my own
3.
I see you’re bleeding from the jaw The crimson stream stains your face I wipe the blood clean and bring you in She tells me that it’s deep and will not heal I know that you’re leaving I can’t fix you, I know And I know that you’re leaving me It’s coming soon, she spoke Blood flow intensifies with each day I pat your head in palliative care Hug and hold you in loving silence Knowing tomorrow is never promised, no I know that you’re leaving I can’t fix you, I know And I know that you’re leaving me It’s coming soon, she spoke Oh, squamous cell carcinoma Words painting my nightmares Words tormenting my sleep Words vexing my daylight hours, preying on my fragile heart I know that you’re leaving I can’t fix you, I know And I know that you’re leaving me It’s coming soon, she spoke
4.
Desert World 03:34
I live a trillion miles from here I’m extant only in the flesh I try to speak words, but there’s silence I try to feel pain, but there’s lethargy I try to smile warm, but there’s atrophy I try to retain hope, but there’s acrimony This desert world, barren of emotion Condemned to arid dunes This desert world, barren and callous Drowning in countless sands My desolate diaspora is alien to here Home is foreign, there are no oases This desert world, no familiar flora Erosion of the heart This desert world, and my only fauna Is dying languid in my arms Others look to my eyes, but I’m stars away She is all that I have, and she’s departing soon I pointlessly put head to pillow again Perhaps tomorrow will make sense
5.
Malignance, what a word for murderous - annual death rates assured I speak the curse by its wretched name - squamous cell carcinoma The gradual fall into the abyss, nears the impact Astonishing how months accelerates, into mere seconds On and on the curse mutilates Desecrating her body, devouring the hope The precipitous fall into the abyss, I brace for impact Dismissing death for as viably long, it shows its face again Torturing her remaining shell Sanguinary pools, pus and blood drool You’re bleeding from your pretty smile The deepest crimson staining your face I wash the blood and call the doctor She tells me euthanasia time has come The realization shocks my core Time to prepare – wasn’t enough Time to prepare – never enough I shudder at the finality of tomorrow A dozen years laid to rest I shudder again, a dozen years in the past I know that you’re leaving I can’t fix you, I know And I know that you’re leaving It’s coming tomorrow, coming tomorrow – I spoke I throw away the bloodstained rags And wait for morning to come
6.
The morning comes and I’m listless The onslaught of feelings crush I’m powerless to these fears But I bring you to your last day Your pillowtop deathbed A soft place for your furry head I’ll hold your paws and blink goodbye Goodbye my love The dim lights set the perfect mood They shake my hand but I’m in a desert world You’re in pain and I hold you They push the needles in to start the end Your pillowtop deathbed A soft place for your furry head I’ll hold your paws and blink goodbye Goodbye my love As you’re dying all I have is despair As you’re dying all I have is anguish Infinite misery I pet your lifeless corpse like a doll Your eyes stay open but death is here Doctor sees me hugging a dead cat I am completely gone Your pillowtop deathbed A soft place for your furry head I’ll hold your paws and blink goodbye Goodbye my love What comes next? Nothing comes next Empty nest and emptiness
7.
I beg the lake to take me – I beg the lake to wash my pain away Its waves embrace me – its waves can put an end to this pain Drowning, a peaceful alternative to the crushing weight of life In death a solemn appreciation for the mind ceasing at last I beg the lake to take me – I beg the lake to wash my pain away Its waves embrace me – its waves can put an end to this pain Drowning, I beg but can’t do it myself I’m a coward who can’t swallow death I’m a coward – I am a coward Just a useless old man yelling at a lake I beg the lake to take me – I beg the lake to wash my pain away Its waves embrace me – wash my cowardice and suffering clean Lamentations, painting neon black The pewter moon sets on the shore, my cowardice revealed to her My shame exposed in the moonlight I beg the lake to take me – I beg the lake to wash my pain away Its waves embrace me – its waves can put an end to this pain
8.
Ring the skellet bell, she’s fully asleep No funeral for felines, a silent eve Inter the body to fire, fragments and ash remain An urn in memoriam, and a ring of jade Autumn’s decay – a dozen years’ journey Autumn’s decay – an ode to my beloved A bright world of calico colors, painted in wonder and felicity Her cancer wrought deep blacks and grays, anguished colors I never knew could be Autumn’s decay – time can’t seem to heal Autumn’s decay – lugubrious waves of woe A bright world of calico colors, painted in wonder and felicity Her cancer wrought deep blacks and grays, anguished colors I never knew could be To let the sorrow overcome, is to let the curse win To let the depression overcome, is to bear cowardice I yearn for her immortality Or transubstantiation I must settle for remembrance Forge on, I forge on in life alone March on, I march on in life alone Live on, I live on in life alone But I never relinquish the memories Autumn’s decay – a dozen years’ journey I loved that cat more than I can ever say Autumn’s decay - the depths of human and animal bond With her, was the strongest I had ever known Ever known… Ring the skellet bell, for her then for me I live in her honor, cherish the memories I know those crematorium doors, will open for me and you In the meantime I endure, and live appreciating I had those years at all But now I’m alone – and my decay will come too

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released May 30, 2023

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Lunarscathe Wisconsin

Melodic metal from southeastern Wisconsin

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